Self-esteem: How to build and don’t lose


Hello there, howdy? Happy New year! I hope this year brings you all the freedom and happiness you truly deserve.

 One of the most widely discussed topics is self-esteem, how it affects our relationships, performance at work, health and our standard of living. Well, no matter how many people have discussed this, the matter of self-esteem can never be overemphasized. It is a sensitive subject, and deserves to be tackled with the same sensitivity.

 Self-esteem is simply what you think of yourself, it is not what anybody thinks of you, but your personal opinion of you. Your self-esteem reflects your self-image, confidence and worth. What this means is that, what you believe about yourself goes a long way to influence every facet of your life. While low self-esteem is a major concern, having an out of the roof self-esteem is too; where a person is narcissistic, self-absorbed, selfish and uses people as pawns to get what they want.

 Few root causes of unhealthy self-esteem:

#Critical parents/authority figures

 Truth is nobody was born having an unhealthy self-esteem, it is usually the summation of childhood, relationships and life experiences. Most people grew up in homes where they had critical parents, who were always negative, and would shower them with mean, cold and cruel words. Kids like this who never experienced warm affirmations growing up, soon grow up into adults who believe they deserve the leftover of everything good, because they were undeserving in the first place. Authority figures are people whose words matter in your life, they are people you look up to, and if they continually rain down negative vibes on us, soon we might take it all in and live off it.

#The body problem

 As women, we experience body changes a lot; boobs pop, hips widen, pubic hairs and acne surfaces due to hormones as teenagers, and during pregnancy and child birth when we add weight, have belly stretch marks, and wider vagina etc. It could even be that you are born with a disability or experienced a fatal accident that caused your body to change drastically. It could be that your boobs don’t seem big enough to fit into the so called elite tities, or they are too saggy and you’ve been laughed at, or you’ve been told to eat a ton because you are thin and folks say you look like a match stick.

#Relationships that kill us

 Relationships are supposed to be beautiful, not necessarily a smooth sail, but beautiful. It should bring out the best in you, not stifle your potential. In fact, relationships should be a journey that allows you receive and also contribute positively to the lives of the people you’re in it with. Sadly, certain relationships leave you drained, and make you feel worthless, because the person or people you loved and trusted, misused that trust and abused you verbally, emotionally and even physically, leaving you feeling less than human.

How then can you get over this feeling of worthlessness, constantly berating and looking down on yourself? Here are some of the ways that have worked:

#The world has got nothing on you

 There are things you can’t change and control; where you were born, the family you were born into, how your parents chose to raise you and what people think or say about you. There are also things you have control over; refusing to make people’s opinion Your Own, choosing your relationships, forgiving your parents and letting go of the negative words they rained on you, changing your mindset and perception of yourself, affirming yourself positively.


#Write the shitty thoughts down, then deal with it!

 There are times when we don’t have confidence, we are faced with a situation and we think “Nah I just don’t have what it takes to beat that, I’ll just walk the other way.” It happens to everyone, we all have that low point moments. However, don’t dwell there. Negative thoughts will definitely spring up, but what you do with it is everything. When shitty thoughts come, write them down, then under those shitty thoughts, write something positive, then focus on the positive. For instance:

Shitty thoughts: I don’t deserve anything good, because I’m undeserving and lack experience

Positive affirmation: I deserve the best things of life because I am a human being. I may not have all the experiences I need right now, but it’s OK to be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.

#Get up, walk all the way out, and slam the door on negative vibes and people

 You are a queen, and you deserve inner peace. Anybody or anything that affects that, is not worth your energy and time. There are people who constantly make you feel less of yourself, they abuse you and want to keep you in their shadows. For your well-being, walk the hell out of those people.

#Don’t do anything for the gram, plus stop the comparison

 Social media is a blessing, but it is also where we see a lot of fake lifestyle, everyone seems to be living their best lives online. Most people have fallen for the trap of comparing themselves with a total stranger they meet online, please don’t do that anymore. Know that you don’t need to impress anyone, or compare yourself with someone else. You are most beautiful when you are your truest self.

Having a healthy self-esteem is a gradual, active and consistent process. It is coming to terms with yourself and having a great opinion about yourself. It is knowing that through thick or thin, you would love yourself, and extend that genuine love for self to others as well.


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